- We came home on Sunday afternoon after a trip to the pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions. We all pretty much slept the afternoon and evening away, and the first night was actually really easy. Bryan slept from 12-2 and from 3-6, and then Adam got up with him after the 6 am feeding and let me got back to bed 7-10!
- Monday night was horrible. I think my milk was coming in, and it came in on one side sooner than the other. This threw the little man all out of whack. After snacking for 10-20 minute sessions every 90 minutes all day, he wanted nothing to do with the side that had no milk after about midnight, and would not settle down to sleep unless he was being held. Finally around 3am he zonked out enough for us to get back in the bed, and was up again at 5:30 and wouldn't settle down. When I went back in the nursery it was so cold, so I brought him into our room to warm up and eat, and before I knew it, it was 10:30!!! Apparently he was just cold!
- We saw the pediatrician on Tuesday Bryan was down another 6 oz to 6lb 5oz, and right on the border for too much weight loss plus his bilirubin was up a little bit from where it was in the hospital. Since my milk had just come in, the doc wasn't worried though. As long as he gains weight and is peeing and pooping appropriately, we're good till the next appointment this Thursday. Doc thinks his system just needs flushing (which btw it looks like he was right, Bryan looks much better now)
- Tuesday night went SO well A slept through the night I had no idea I even got up with the baby! I had been up at 2 and 6, and had to wake Bryan up to eat both times! We figured out that long sleeved sleepers and tight swaddles are what he needs to PASS OUT.
- Thursday afternoon we took my Niece and Nephew (who had been staying with a friend while my SIL was with my MIL in the hospital...who had been there since the day Bryan was born) to give our friend a break. They hung out with us from lunch through dinner. It made for a crazy day, but the friend really needed a break and we were happy to help.
- Friday my SIL made it back here, but unfortunately without my MIL. She developed a case of bronchitis, probably while in the hospital, and was not going to come around the baby until it got under control.
- Saturday we had a visit from A's dad and Step-mom. That was a tough day for me I'm not gonna lie. A's step mom (Nana) is a bit of a baby hog, and I wasn't assertive enough to say when I needed my son back. She was snuggling him nearly the whole time they were here, and he was perfectly content to sleep in her arms, but as has been his MO, he didn't wake up and fuss when he needed to eat. Because he wasn't eating as often as he had been he wasn't dirtying diapers, so I had no good excuse to ask her to give him up. All on top of the fact that this is a weird relationship anyway, and I was really trying to not do anything to rock the boat. This all lead to a major emotional breakdown and me spending nearly an hour rocking in the nursery crying because I felt so out of control of the whole situation. It was BAD. Lesson learned, I have to be more assertive about my son's needs, because he is so easygoing he's not going to do it for me.
- Sunday we took our first trip to church and it was amazing. A sings in the praise band, and one of the songs they lead was a song that was on the recordings we played on my belly before Bryan was born. A sings lead on it. he was awake but drowsy during the whole first part of the service, but as soon as A started singing his eyes popped WIDE open and he was very alert. It was SO COOL!
- After church my dad came to visit. That was SO much more laid back than with A's dad, and for that I was thankful. Especially since on top of everything the day before, engorgement had set in in my right breast and it HURT. I actually ended up coming home from church, feeding the boy, and then pumping it dry to try and relieve it. I got a full 3 ounces AFTER the kid ate for 25 minutes. I have no idea if this is a lot or not, but it sure seems like a lot to have left since if I was bottle feeding, he'd be getting about 3oz per feeding. Ever since then I've been able to keep it under control thankfully. I certainly do not what to go through that pain again.
- Yesterday and today have just been chilling out at home with the toddlers and recuperating from the weekend full of visitors.
- I've done pretty good with the postpartum emotional roller coaster I think. I have a couple of completely irrational breakdowns...like the one when Bryan filled 3 diapers in a row and I was about ready to scream at him, or when I chewed A out because he had spent the day on projects other than what I felt needed to be done first (like cleaning up the yard or mowing or cleaning up the kitchen). What we have learned is the overtired mommy = emotional mommy and a good nap usually takes care of those emotional issues.
- I am also dealing with those feelings of being some what of an impostor still. Every day a stare in amazement at my son and can't believe that we get to keep him. Part of it still doesn't seem real. This was my one semi-reasonable breakdown. I was loving on him one morning while he was laying on our bed and I was supposed to be getting dressed. All of the sudden I was just overcome with how absolutely perfect and wonderful he is and what an absolute miracle he is and I just lost it. A came in and saw me all huddled over him crying and about lost his mind. I can't help but wonder if he thought something was wrong with the baby instead of me. At least he understood why I was crying THAT time :-)
The To Worry About List
22 hours ago