Bryan is Here!!!!

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Lessons from a Short Getaway

I realized this weekend how much of a funk I have really been in lately.  A and I took a short trip to St. Louis overnight Friday so that we could go the the Haunters Convention on Saturday.  (A and I are HUGE Halloween buffs.  We worked at a haunted house for 11 years before it closed.)  Since it's a pretty long drive for us and we wanted to be there early on Saturday, we decided to drive down on Friday night.  We stayed in a hotel for a ridiculously cheap rate thanks to my sister and just had a great evening Friday.  We got into the hotel about 6 pm and took the Metrolink downtown.  A really wanted to go try out this brewery, so we walked about a mile from uni.on sta.tion to the Tap for dinner and a couple beers.  First off I have to tell you Schl.afly's beer is AWESOME.  Their Pale Ale was yummy!  We also had a great dinner and AMAZING service.  There were a couple problems with the food, and our waitress took care of everything right away.  We ended up not being charged for my meal, even after they replaced it, and I didn't have to say anything more than "My sandwich is cold"  I was totally blown away.  That is really hard to do with me too.  I worked in restaurants for 8 years, and as a trainer for 2, so I know how its supposed to be done.  This was above and beyond everything I would have ever expected.  Needless to say we paid the same amount we would have paid if we had been charged for my meal (and then some) and our waitress deserved EVERY PENNY of that tip.

After dinner we were headed back to the hotel and down to the pool.  We forgot our swim suits the last time we spent the night in a hotel, so it was nice to actually have them this time.  We got downstairs and had the whole area to ourselves.  OH MY GOSH I haven't laughed that hard in a LONG time.  We just hand so much fun trying to to handstands and knocking each other over, racing the length of the pool, trying to dunk each get the drift.  It was like we were teenagers again.  I don't remember the last time I laughed until I couldn't breathe, and that's how it was Friday night.  After the pool closed, we headed up to our room, took showers to clean off the chlorine, and headed to bed. 

All in all it was a really incredible night and the break I needed right now.  Never mind the fun we had at the haunt show the next day.  Friday night was a great reminder of just how blessed I am with the life.  A reminder of all the things I can do even if I am faced with one big can't.  I have a wonderful husband whom I love more than life itself, and who loves me back.  I can laugh and have a good time to the point that its hard to breathe.  I can smile so much that my face hurts.  I can be a fun person to be with.  I can be silly and crazy and even a little childish every once in a while.  I can be a happy person even through all the struggles with infertility.

I can

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The next step

Long story short, AF showed on Sunday before I got to my beta Monday so I didn't go. 
Today I got a VERY unexpected phone call, from Dr. RE himself!  He wants us to come in to discuss our options.  I have a feeling he wants to move to IVF.  I not afraid of IVF, in fact I would welcome it, but I'm still unsure of some of the stuff that goes with it.  A and I talked about it a little over lunch, but I'm sure there's more discussions to come.  We know that our "plan" is for 2 kids.  We don't have plans to try for more.  If God give us more so be it, but we won't actively try.  This means we would only transfer 2 embryos for an IVF cycle.  Now we don't have any reservations about freezing, but I do have reservations about destroying extra embryos that could help another infertile achieve her dream of motherhood.  And here's where this discussion gets a little sticky.  A is concerned about our biological child finding out 15 years down the road and wanting to find his/her biological parents and what that would mean for us.  Its a valid concern and a discussion to be continued, and highlights my one concern about doing IFV, what happens to the extra embryos after we have our 2 children.

I know I'm probably totally jumping the gun here, but the planner in me wants to have all this figured out before we start a cycle.  The realist in me knows I will change my mind and second guess any decision we do make.  So I think we just need to take it one day at a time.  The emotions I'm going through in the last 48 hours have been so intense, I need to focus on getting me in a better place before we do anything else.  I was such a wreck on Sunday, and now suddenly I'm hopeful again.  There doesn't seem to be any in between, just ups and downs right now.  I've got to find happy medium before I go totally crazy.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I feel Dirty...

So I'm a bad person.  Last night I went to go run some errands, and low an behold what store did I drive right past?  The dollar store.  And as any of you infertiles out there know, there is this crazy magnetic field surrounding the dollar store that draws in the infertiles who are in their 2 week wait.  Those $1 pregnancy tests that are just as accurate as the $7 ones at the drugstore are all TOO appealing.

The really scary part is that I know EXACTLY where in this store to look for the tests.  They are always in on of 2 places.  Either right next to the register, or in the medication/baby aisle between the medications and the baby stuff (ok what idiot planned that?)  So I walk in, there's none by the register.  I walk down the correct aisle, and there's a big empty hook right where they should be.  Bummer!  I'm double checking to make sure they haven't been moved when an employee comes down the aisle sweeping.  She asks if I need help finding anything, and I hesitate, but ask if they are out.  She says No, they're up at the register.  Oh I just didn't see them?  No they're UNDER the register.  Like some backroom movie or awful contraband.  You have to be "in the know"  to get them.

Why do I feel so dirty?

PS: I can't seem to find the spell checker in this new blogger post software, so I apoligize if there are MAJOR spelling errors.  I was a math major and not an english major for a reason. :-)

Monday, March 8, 2010


Wow today is really turning into a Monday for sure. For whatever reason I woke up in a..well...I wouldn't call it a foul mood, but definitely not feeling myself.

Saturday I had great motivation. I had coffee with some girlfriends in the morning and then I wanted to get the garage all cleaned and organized so we could get the new shelving unit we got for SUPER CHEAP put in. I started around noon, and it was beautiful outside, so A took the Goldwing out to stretch her legs. He came back and helped me for a couple hours, and then went back out in the late afternoon for over an hour. While he was gone, I got through all the shelves on the van's side of the garage sorted, condensed, even to the point of one being empty! I was so proud of myself! A returned about 5pm, and I was exhausted. We went in, I made dinner, and we vegged on the couch for the rest of the night (and watched Watchmen...strange movie). Yesterday we got up, went to church, and came home with intentions of finishing in the garage. Problem was I was still wiped out. I had NO energy whatsoever! So I vegged on the couch and A got to work. After a couple shows on the DVR and a brief nap, I finally felt like I has enough gas to help for a bit, so I went out and we got the other side of the garage cleaned to the floor. Now everything is sorted in bins, but nothing is put away or organized. I'm bummed we didn't get it all done, but grateful we got as far as we did. Plus the Van is IN, and the bike is accessible (Which makes A happy). The truck is still in the drive, but I think that's where it's going to live forever.

So this morning I get up and I'm still feeling just blah. I get up and let the dogs out, and the foster has piddled in his crate...again. We thought we had this figured out, but it just keeps recurring. GRRR. I let them back in, and Cleo (our resident) refuses. She has been a total snark again recently (although I refuse to read into it, the last time she was this bad, I was preggo). She completely ignores me and is CONSTANTLY into things. So I shut the door and fed the other 2 dogs. Cleo was finally ready to come in, and then I had to fight off the other dogs in order to let Cleo have her breakfast. Now this is not an issue if they all 3 get fed at the same time, but NO, miss priss couldn't be bothered to come in with everyone else.

So I get dressed, and the shirt I want to put on has a stain in it. Luckily I saw it before I left the house. I grab a different shirt and finish dressing, put on my makeup, and run downstairs to get my hose and shoes. On they go, and I proceed to catch my ankle on the gate keeping the dogs upstairs and put a HUGE run in my hose. I head back down and get a different pair, only to find the pair I grabbed ALSO has a hole. Take 3 finally works.

We get in the car and A says, all we need now is for something to break at home..the water heater or the fridge or something. Then you can say "Just when we were getting to a good spot..." You see it really does seem like every time we get ourselves squared away and things worked out just right, something major happens. A vehicle needs a major repair, we have a flood in the basement, the dog has bladder stones and needs surgery, whatever. A thinks I over react to these things, and I probably do, but hell its my nature as a woman right?

WOW looking back on this post all these little things seem so petty and stupid, and yet it really put me in a bad mood for my Monday morning. Maybe I am pregnant. Or maybe I'm just PMSing and that's the reason for the irritability and mood swings. My money's on option 2.

Thursday, March 4, 2010


Here I the middle of the DREADED 2 week wait, and yet it doesn't seem so bad this time around. Maybe it's because I know I can GET pregnant, and it's just a matter of time. Maybe it's because I have so much going on in my life right now that I can barely even keep my head straight, let alone worry about something new. Maybe it's because I gave up negativity for Lent. Whatever the case may be, I'm nearly halfway thru, and I hardly even thought about it until today. My beta could be as early as the 13th. Since that is a Saturday, I'm waiting until Monday for the blood draw so I don't have to pay double for after hours non-emergency outpatient labwork (plus the nurses are only there until 9am our time on Saturday and probably wouldn't call me with the results until Monday anyway). The question that remains is will I test at home on Saturday? There is still a CBE Digi and at least 1 dollar store test in my cabinet. I got a positive with the other CBE digi out of that box when my beta was only 12.5, so I'm pretty sure if I am at all preggers it will show up on that test. (Cue A saying "Yes but if it doesn't, you still won't know for sure until Monday, and then you may put yourself through all that stress for nothing")

To test or not to test...that is the question...