So A and I headed to see Dr. T today to get everything in place for the IUI. Everything started off as we anticipated. We actually met the women who does the washes (Nikki). She took all the same history we had just filled out on all the forms they handed us (surprise, surprise) and then we waited for another 30 minutes (45 past our appointment time) and finally Dr. T came in. We talked a little over all the past analysis and then Dr. T asked A to drop trou for an exam. Everything went well, although about midway thru the exam, he asks A to bend over, elbows on the exam table.
Poor A had a prostate exam too...that we weren't expecting. Needless to say I felt really bad for him, but I couldn't help but laugh when he stood up to get dressed and the paper table cover came with him!!!
Anyway, results of the exam are good, although they did find a varicocele on the left side, but since we've had a successful conception, Dr. T doesn't think it needs immediate attention. He gave us the go ahead for the wash, and mentioned there was a backorderof the wash medium, and was going to send in Nikki again to give us the details. Nikki came back in and we talked about the schedule, and she says the wash medium is on backorder. There are 2 other couples on her schedule for next week, and she only has 2 vials of medium left. Basically unless one of those couples has to end their cycle for some reason, there isn't enough medium to do our wash (let alone the 2 Dr. RE would really like. She won't get anymore until after March 1st. My follicle scan is next Wednesday. After all this, we're still not going to be able to do the IUI in town. So now we either have to coming up with $1,600 for the our of network costs, take a 2 day road trip to Indianapolis, do this cycle with the meds but "at home insemination", or not doing the injectables and skipping this cycle (and no chance at a 2010 baby for me). I knew it was all going too smoothly.
Every time we think we find the road that's going to lead us to our baby, another road block gets thrown in our way. If it's not my problems it's his. Once we get those resolved it's the insurance. Then my body won't cooperate again. Now there's no wash medium available. I am totally bummed, totally deflated right now. A, the eternal optimist, says no biggie, we'll make it work. Dr. RE wants to right back in, so we'll find a way.
I just can't help but wonder if its this hard to make this happen, maybe its not supposed to? I know that's totally irrational, I can't believe God would have put the desire to be a mother, to give A a child, so heavy on my heart if it wasn't meant to be for me. I just am struggling to understand why all this hurt and frustration and struggle and trial is necessary. I suppose the fact that I wonder is why it is necessary. I still can't let go, I still can't completely trust the He is in control. I still question His will. I still question His methods. I still have a lot to learn.
#Microblog Mondays 182: Meditation
15 hours ago