The aftermath of Coming out..and an update

I posted my "coming out" statement on faceb**k Saturday morning.  I posted a note about our journey without going into the nitty gritty on Tuesday.  Today I will be posting resolve.org's Do's and Dont's of Support article (assuming I can find the article on their site to link to...does anyone have it?  I have the article, but the link doesn't work).

 The reaction I have gotten this week has been surprising to say the least.  There are about a half of a dozen friends who have commented, all showing amazing support, and everyone else has been silent.  I wasn't really expecting a barrage of comments, but I was expecting more then I got.  On the up side, I did have one friend, K, who just got married a little less than a year ago that asked if I had any advice for someone who wasn't trying yet but would be soon.  This is what I told her:
   "Don't take your body for granted that it will work the way its supposed to.  Be your own biggest advocate, and do everything you can to learn how your body is (or isn't) working BEFORE you go to the doctor.  Invest in a Basil Body Thermometor AS SOON as you stop any hormonal birth control.  If I had started temping 6 months earlier, my PCOS diagnosis would have been 6 months earlier, and who knows how much of a difference that would have made."

I don't think I was off base, but I do struggle with how much to offer her, She is the wife of a close highschool friend, and I don't know HER that well.  I'm thinking of just sending her a private message letting her know that I am here and willing to offer her whatever help she needs now and as they begin their journey to parenthood.  I pray that she won't have to go through what I have, but I want her to know that if she does, I'm here and I get it.

**Topic Switch**
I am so incredibly happy for Kate over at Busted Plumbing.  She had her second coming out of the week when she announced her pregnancy on twitter and on her blog.  Also, in case you didn't know, the Subfertile Frugalista, Christina made her Faceb**k pregnancy announcement this week too.  I am so happy for these women, they deserve this so much, but at the same time I am sad for me.  I look at my Google Reader, and its becoming more and more that the bloggers I follow are now pregnant.  Its really hard, especially when I consider that I should be 22 weeks along at this point.  I should be spending my time decorating a nursery and shopping for stuff not injecting my self and having apointments with Mr. Wandy. 

I have to remain positive I know, or this 2ww will be unbearable, but Mother's day has crept up on me again.  And to make matters worse, my booster HCG shot will be on Monday, so I won't even be able to test on Mother's Day.  I'll have to wait until Wednesday to find out if this IUI worked.  I have (guarded) high hopes, we had a couple of AMAZING follicles.  It just so hard after so much dissappointment to be optimistic.

**Topic Switch**
Does anyone know of anyone using Br@velle as a stim med?  I have 4 vials that I will not be using anymore (we switched my meds) and I would love to donate them another IFer.  Unfortunatly my clinic doesn't take meds unless you can hand bring them in and since we're 3 hours away, I'm not making that drive.  E-mail me if you know of someone.

Coming out of the Infertility Closet

In honor of Infertility Awareness week this week (April 24-May 1), I have decided to come out of the Infertility closet.  I had a great post all in my mind on all my reasons for it but Kate over at Busted Plumbing wrote this great post that absolutly reads my mind.

Tomorrow morning, my facebook status will read:

"Hi, my name is Nicole, and I'm an Infertile. This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, and I want you to know someone you know and care about has been impacted by infertility. Please feel free to ask me questions about my condition, or talk to me if you are struggling with fertility challenges yourself. And educate yourself on Infertility by going to Resolve.Org, so you can better support the men and women who are impacted by this condition."

Will you join me in coming out of the Infertility Closet?

Welcome to ICLW!!!

I can't believe its ICLW again already!  (if you don't know what I'm talking about, check out Mel's explaination here or click the link at the right)

You can get the brief history about me here.  An IF update since that post (WOW it's been a long time since I participated in ICLW!):

• We tried another IUI Cycle in February: BFN
• I thought for sure Dr. RE would want to move to IVF, but he suprised me and was all for going forward with another IUI, maybe 2 before making that jump.
• I am currently on CD 6 of the next IUI cycle.  I started the injectables last night, and go for my follicle check on Saturday, possibly triggering over the weekend.

There's a lot of crazyness going on in my brain right now, and I'm struggling to get it all out on paper.  I have 2 posts in the works for this week.  On for Project IF, and one on Coming out of the IF closet.  Both are in relation to National Infertility Awareness week which begins April 24th.

Thanks for topping by, and I hope that you will come back!

Good News!

I actually got to talk to Dr. RE today on the phone, and I am so happy I finally decided to call and get a phone consult.  After talking through our situation, he basicly told me that if we were done with the whole IUI process we could move on, but he felt that another IUI or maybe 2 was a really good chance for us.  That the pregnancy, although a miscarriage, resets the counter for IUI probabilities!  I am totally stoked!  As soon as this next cycle starts, we'll do another IUI protocol.  I apparently misunderstood his position when he called me after my last BFN (which is no real surprise when I think about it).  I am so glad that we don't have to take another cycle off. 

On another note...THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!  Everywhere I turn another preggo crops up.  There's got to be 50 women at work who are, and they all seem to go to the same places at the same time as I do.  And you top that off with yet another friend who is preggo with her second in the time we've been trying...it just sucks.  Crap even the lady's daughter on this weeks episode of Hoarders was pregnant.  *sigh*

Frustrations

I'm beginning to think I was spoiled by Dr. RE's office that is closer to my house. When I would call, a receptionist would answer. When I left a message for a nurse I got a call back before close of business. If I called after "official hours" I could leave a message on the nurse line if it wasn't urgent or be connected to the answering service if it was. If I sent an e-mail I had a response within a couple hours, even if it was 7 at night. All of this occurred whether I was in cycle or not.


Now that I'm dealing with the home office, it's like pulling teeth to have any of these experiences. First they are only open 8-4 EASTERN TIME and I'm in CENTRAL TIME. That means I have to get my calls in before 3pm locally. When I do call, it goes to an automated system that ALWAYS goes to a voice mail. Scheduling, Insurance, Nurses, it doesn't matter, I can't talk to a PERSON, just a machine and have to wait for a call back. Last treatment cycle they were supposed to send all my protocol info to my OBGYN who was doing the procedures so he would have it. When I called to schedule the IUI's Dr. O STILL hadn't received the info and didn't even know my cycle had started. After the procedures when I called Friday to verify my protocol, I didn't get a call back until MONDAY. Luckily I knew when to start my prometrium. The day I had an US and Blood work at 7 am (and I KNOW the lab had it returned by 9 am, I called to find out) I didn't get a call to tell me if I should trigger or not. When I realized it was after 3 and they hadn't called, I called all frantic and the afterhours nurse told me "You're supposed to take your booster tonight". I told her I knew I was supposed to, but never received confirmation that labs were ok to GO AHEAD.

I have sent 3 e-mails to and left one message for the nurse hoping to find out if Dr. RE will do our IVF consult over the phone, and have gotten NO response. I don't have Dr. RE's direct e-mail, or I would just e-mail him now that I'm not getting a response. I hate to be THAT patient. The one who calls 18 times a day and micromanages every aspect of her treatment, but I feel like I have to. I feel like this afterthought because I'm just a voice over the phone and not a face to these nurses. I wish SO BAD that we could go back to the nurses at the closer office, but we just can't afford the out of network costs never mind the additional deductible and out of pocket limits.


I HATE that we're MISSING another cycle. I HATE that my chance of having a 2010 baby is gone. I HATE that I'm so close to 30 and still not any closer to a baby. I HATE feeling like a second rate patient. I HATE feeling like there's nothing I can do about it.

Hop To It!

Kate over at Busted Plumbing has set up a Blog Hop for Easter weekend. Head on over and join in, get to meet some great new IF related people (not necessairly all of whom blog about IF).





As for me, I'm still in a holding pattern.  Sitting in  what is hopefully the 2ww of break cycle #1 (CD 19), and just coming to the realization that I'm going to spend yet ANOTHER mother's day as a non-mother.  UGH.  This just plain sucks.  I'm not even sure I did ovulate this cycle, and if I did it was probably a week ago (based on my body signals I'm not temping) so I've gon from o'ing WAY late (CD18-19) to WAY Early (12-13).  And too top it off I feel like crap.  I'm so blaoted today that my favorite skirt, which usually is even a little on the big side, is tight across my lower abdomen. BOO.  I stepped on the scale this morning and am up 2 pounds from Monday.  Double BOO.  I can't get motivated to stick to the No Amylose diet, even though I know its what I NEED to be doing to make this work.  I'm bummed about having to miss ANOTHER cycle because we can't get in to see Dr. RE sooner than the end of April.  I'm irritated with insurance because they wouldn't grant my continuation of care and I have to pay out of network costs for my consults.  I'm annoyed because I have to drive 2 hours to have a conversation that lasts 20 minutes and really could be done over the phone, so not only are there the out-of-network costs there are the gas costs and the time off work costs.  I'm pissed because I have a "beautiful anatomy" except I still can't get (and stay) pregnant without intervation.  I'm frustrated because we spent a year chasing my problems only to find out A has issues too that could have been dealt with while we were waiting for Dr. RE the first time.  I'm generally cranky about the whole thing.  HMMM think I'm PMS'ing?