Beta Tomorrow

I'm been so crazy busy lately, I've barely had time to think straight.  I'm thankful though, because other than Sunday I haven't really had time to think about the fact that I'm in the 2ww.  A even had to remind me on 2 different occasions that I couldn't have a drink (as much as I may have wanted or needed one).  My beta is tomorrow, and frankly all that positive energy I had 2 weeks ago is gone.  I'm having little twinges of symptoms here and there...nausea that lasts an hour...crazy odd heartburn one day...some tenderness in my bre@sts...but nothing major, and certainly nothing like the last pregnancy.  I just don't feel pregnant.  I know I know, lots of women don't even know they are pregnant until WEEKS after they should because they have no symptoms, and every pregnancy is different, shoot even Kate who knows shes almost 8 weeks pregnant isn't feeling anything (which is cause her all sorts of doubt by the way, head over and leave her a virtual hug if you have a minute).  I'm so guarded anymore.  I can't even bring myself to take an at home test because I don't want to start into that empty white space anymore.  I don't want to see that word NOT ever again. 

And yet I know that if I am pregnant, my due date will be January 18th.  2 days after my Fathers 61st birthday.  That would just be awesome.  I shared a birthday with my grandfather, and it always made me feel so special as a kid.  To have my child share that with their grandfater would be too awesome.

Today is DRAGGING by.  Tomorrow probably will too.  Blood draw at 7am, I don't expect a call until after 3. UGH.