IVF Here we come

Yep, you read that right.  We had a phone consult with Dr. RE last night, and it looks like we are headed down the IVF road.  I don't have a ton of time right now, but I wanted to get you guys an update.  We'll get more specifics when I start my next cycle, but we could be looking at retrieval and transfer in late July!  I'm excited and scared and anxious and nervous and hopeful and a whole bunch of other emotions all mixed up.

Dr. RE said the best thing yesterday that totally wraps up how I've feeling about all of the issues we've been facing:
                "Little problems don't add up, they multiply logarithmically"
And so appropriate for the mathematician in me :-)  Anyway, that's all I have for now, I'll write a longer update when I don't have 4 deadlines looming!

Got the call finally...negative. I didn't think I'd be this upset but I am...This sucks.

Still Waiting...

UGH Seriously! How long does it take to run a beta and call a patient with results???  I had my blood drawn at 7 am people!  That was almost 7 hours ago!!!

GRRRRR

Beta Tomorrow

I'm been so crazy busy lately, I've barely had time to think straight.  I'm thankful though, because other than Sunday I haven't really had time to think about the fact that I'm in the 2ww.  A even had to remind me on 2 different occasions that I couldn't have a drink (as much as I may have wanted or needed one).  My beta is tomorrow, and frankly all that positive energy I had 2 weeks ago is gone.  I'm having little twinges of symptoms here and there...nausea that lasts an hour...crazy odd heartburn one day...some tenderness in my bre@sts...but nothing major, and certainly nothing like the last pregnancy.  I just don't feel pregnant.  I know I know, lots of women don't even know they are pregnant until WEEKS after they should because they have no symptoms, and every pregnancy is different, shoot even Kate who knows shes almost 8 weeks pregnant isn't feeling anything (which is cause her all sorts of doubt by the way, head over and leave her a virtual hug if you have a minute).  I'm so guarded anymore.  I can't even bring myself to take an at home test because I don't want to start into that empty white space anymore.  I don't want to see that word NOT ever again. 

And yet I know that if I am pregnant, my due date will be January 18th.  2 days after my Fathers 61st birthday.  That would just be awesome.  I shared a birthday with my grandfather, and it always made me feel so special as a kid.  To have my child share that with their grandfater would be too awesome.

Today is DRAGGING by.  Tomorrow probably will too.  Blood draw at 7am, I don't expect a call until after 3. UGH.

The aftermath of Coming out..and an update

I posted my "coming out" statement on faceb**k Saturday morning.  I posted a note about our journey without going into the nitty gritty on Tuesday.  Today I will be posting resolve.org's Do's and Dont's of Support article (assuming I can find the article on their site to link to...does anyone have it?  I have the article, but the link doesn't work).

 The reaction I have gotten this week has been surprising to say the least.  There are about a half of a dozen friends who have commented, all showing amazing support, and everyone else has been silent.  I wasn't really expecting a barrage of comments, but I was expecting more then I got.  On the up side, I did have one friend, K, who just got married a little less than a year ago that asked if I had any advice for someone who wasn't trying yet but would be soon.  This is what I told her:
   "Don't take your body for granted that it will work the way its supposed to.  Be your own biggest advocate, and do everything you can to learn how your body is (or isn't) working BEFORE you go to the doctor.  Invest in a Basil Body Thermometor AS SOON as you stop any hormonal birth control.  If I had started temping 6 months earlier, my PCOS diagnosis would have been 6 months earlier, and who knows how much of a difference that would have made."

I don't think I was off base, but I do struggle with how much to offer her, She is the wife of a close highschool friend, and I don't know HER that well.  I'm thinking of just sending her a private message letting her know that I am here and willing to offer her whatever help she needs now and as they begin their journey to parenthood.  I pray that she won't have to go through what I have, but I want her to know that if she does, I'm here and I get it.

**Topic Switch**
I am so incredibly happy for Kate over at Busted Plumbing.  She had her second coming out of the week when she announced her pregnancy on twitter and on her blog.  Also, in case you didn't know, the Subfertile Frugalista, Christina made her Faceb**k pregnancy announcement this week too.  I am so happy for these women, they deserve this so much, but at the same time I am sad for me.  I look at my Google Reader, and its becoming more and more that the bloggers I follow are now pregnant.  Its really hard, especially when I consider that I should be 22 weeks along at this point.  I should be spending my time decorating a nursery and shopping for stuff not injecting my self and having apointments with Mr. Wandy. 

I have to remain positive I know, or this 2ww will be unbearable, but Mother's day has crept up on me again.  And to make matters worse, my booster HCG shot will be on Monday, so I won't even be able to test on Mother's Day.  I'll have to wait until Wednesday to find out if this IUI worked.  I have (guarded) high hopes, we had a couple of AMAZING follicles.  It just so hard after so much dissappointment to be optimistic.

**Topic Switch**
Does anyone know of anyone using Br@velle as a stim med?  I have 4 vials that I will not be using anymore (we switched my meds) and I would love to donate them another IFer.  Unfortunatly my clinic doesn't take meds unless you can hand bring them in and since we're 3 hours away, I'm not making that drive.  E-mail me if you know of someone.